my life

today i moved a spot lamp that me momz fella gave me into my room. it will help big time with painting my figures. up till now i have limited my painting to daylight hours.  i did some more of the metalics today. i have also glued all the pieces together, and now they actually look like space marines of the Dark Angels chapter. “For the Emperor”!!

i have also read more of my current read “the Daemons Curse: a tale of Malus Darkblade. i have progressed to the fifth chapter. i am plesantly surprised with the story. it has followed warhammer Dark Elf culture the way they have been presented in their army book. they are callous, murderous and cruel, even to each other. the auther has kept to the ‘followers of Khaine’ “the God of Muder” cultural theme. the description of throwing imperfect babies into ‘the Cauldron of Blood’ was as gory as it should have been. when you think about it, it isn’t that far from the custom of Great Sparta!

i think the realisation of what has happened to my life is finally hitting home. i keep asking myself the question “why?”. why did she cheat on me? why did she tell me it would be ok if i just hung on in there and gave her a little space? why did her family let her have another man stay at their home with her, when i’ve NEVER been asked to stay there? why did she destroy my little childrens family life? why has she said such terrible things about me, that i’ll HAVE to prove her false? why do bad things happen to good people? i mean, i ain’t perfect and i never said that i was, but i was a good father and a loyal, caring husband. i was never what you’d call successful, but i found out, through raising my ‘step’- son, that i was a successful father. i think that maybe some people ain’t had it hard enough in life. they do not understand the concept of contentment. i was homeless for a long time. i have walked past houses where families were getting ready for, say, a quiet family christmas and fully appreciated how lucky they were to have each other. or a father and his children playing together. i think that until you’ve been truly alone, you don’t fully understand how lucky you are to have ANYBODY that cares. the trouble is that these people interact in other peoples lives and because they don’t view their life from the “how lucky am i” side of the street, they make decisions without any consideration for how their decisions effect people’s lives. i think you could call it the spoilt kid outlook on life. who’s going to do it and who’s going to pay for it, coz it ain’t going to be me! i worry for my children. i will never give up fighting for them to live with me. why is one of her so- called “friends” (of course i know that this woman is actually one of her customers) doing all the things i used to enjoy doing for my children, when i, their father, am willing and able? social (don’t) care have admitted that they have concerns about her ability to look after my children, but commented that “her good friend Elly Hoye” is taking Sammy to school and Amy to playgroup in the morning. why can’t “the Wicked Liar” do it herself? is she ill, or just too idle? i mean Hello, Father here!! 

to be honest i can’t wait till the next court hearing.


About daddyfumanchu

update: i got me kids back.... so there!
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